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WORKING AT HOME WITH YOUR PARTNER? OUR FAVORITE ADVICE
Brigitte Kimichik • Apr 14, 2020
Working at home with your Partner? How to stay sane!
These are difficult times and it can be daunting to spend almost 100% of your time alone with your partner. If you were empty nesters and your kids are back home from college for the immediate future or you have children who are now home bound from school, you are likely facing many other challenges. We will address those in another blog.
For now, let's talk about your relationship with your partner. My husband and I have been retired for several years, going from working late hours and weekends to suddenly spending most of our time together. We had to adjust quickly to make our time together productive and comfortable. We are often asked what we do to keep ourselves busy and, yes, do we still like each other?
Today, in the midst of the Coronavirus crisis and the new rules to "shelter in place", being alone with your partner has become a reality for many. Will you still like each other once our lives get back to normal in a few weeks—or months? Or will you be knitting him a scarf?
🌻You don’t have to spend all of your time together
It is important to acknowledge your individual personal time. You may like watching different shows, engage in different outdoor activities, and enjoy different hobbies. My husband and I work out at different times in the morning and in the afternoons, he may golf, while I check emails, read or play Mahjongg online with my friends.
🌻Plan activities for the week ahead of time
Especially during this difficult time of the Coronavirus, planning activities and setting expectations is important. We generally decide which nights to cook and which nights to order take-out to help our local restaurants. The timing of any activities during the day around meal time is important to respect when meals are ready to be served by you or your partner. Any Zoom or FaceTime Happy Hours or calls with kids and families, any online Mahjongg games, yoga classes or meditation, and outdoor activities such as golf, power walks and runs, should also be respected. Try not to interrupt unless important.
🌻Appreciate any Tension or Anxiety
The stress and anxiety caused by the current health, job and financial market uncertainty is very real for many if not most of our communities, friends and family and will no doubt take a toll on our home lives. Not being able to socialize freely is daunting and uncomfortable. Be patient with one another and make sure you are listening to your partner and those who you communicate with. We are all affected differently and have different thresholds for stress. Openly show empathy, be gentle with any criticisms, and remember to compliment your partner - often. Make sure you are making time for intimacy and openly share that you are appreciating that time. Take a shower or bath together, try a jacuzzi if you are lucky enough to have one and the neighbors can’t see you, stay in bed for hours one day, and walk around naked if you are by yourselves. Why not. Revert back to the time when you were first dating for a change. There are many other ways to spend time together. Try a new recipe and cook together. Grab a drink or wine and sit on your balcony or in the yard for an hour and talk. Watch an old or new movie together or binge a new TV series you have been wanting to try. Most importantly, share funnies you receive by email or text. We have found many of them to be very entertaining.
🌻If you want something, advise gently
Be specific if you would like for your partner to share a task, do a chore, or help you in any other manner. Don’t expect your partner to read your mind. If you get any push back, remind him or her gently, that sharing would be helpful and certainly ok, since your schedules are wide open! What else is there to do?
🌻If you argue, take a time out
There is no doubt that spending a ton of time together might cause some testy back talk. If that happens and tensions are rising, agree to pick up on the argument at a later specific time. If you have children, pick a place where they do not have to be a witness. You will likely be much calmer when you resume the discussion.
For more on this topic, check out this great resource from Time.
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