An excerpt from our book Play Nice- Playground Rules for Respect in the Workplace: 

[Chapter 4, Page 74]

Fear of Shame, Humiliation, Intimidation, and Retaliation

If you’ve been watching the flood of news resulting from the #MeToo movement, you may have noted that many sexual harassment claims remain unreported. Reasons for this include victims fearing they won’t be believed and will face retaliation at work. According to the EEOC, three out of four incidents remain unreported, and of those ultimately reported, many are not even disclosed for years (or decades) until one victim finally finds the courage to report the harassment, causing others to follow suit. The #MeToo movement made en masse reporting possible with cases like Harvey Weinstein, film producer; Louis C.K., comedian; and James Toback, film director. We have fielded many questions from men (and women) on this topic, specifically about incidents that happened years and even decades ago. In many instances, victims feel they have no choice. They fear that if they refuse, object, try to leave, or report the behavior, they will suffer embarrassment, humiliation, and/or retaliation; they won’t be believed; they’ll lose their job; or they may suffer (or exacerbate) physical harm. People in influential positions may be intimidating or known to be vindictive.  

Whether the violation is a slap on the behind, a lewd comment, a demand for sex, or even rape, a victim of harassment orassault may be reluctant to report what’s happened to them for allthe reasons listed above and more . A victim’s fear of being shamed,not being believed, and/or retaliation is not an unnatural response tosexual abuse, even if it is sometimes difficult for others to understand. 

You may be finding yourself wondering things like, “Why did shenot say no? Why did she agree to have drinks with him? Why did shevoluntarily walk into his hotel room on a trip out of town? Why didshe trust that he would treat her right? When his intentions becameclear, why did she not extract herself and get out of the room? Why didshe allow herself to be placed in a vulnerable position? Basically, whydidn’t she do something?” This is called victim shaming. 

Here are some possibilities. Maybe the man was her boss or a colleague with influence,power, and credibility. If she had screamed, fought back, called911, or shouted her story from the rooftops, would she be believed?He pressured her, exerted his power over her, and intimidated her intocompliance. He may have invited her to his hotel room with false pretenses.He may have told her, “You know that I do not take no for ananswer!” He may have had stature and power within the company andbeen valued as a significant contributor. If he denied the accusations,his side of the story would likely be believed over hers without damningphysical or recorded evidence. She would have to suffer the shameof intense questioning and humiliation over what happened, and herreputation and career could have been ruined if she hadn’t done thethings that provided the opportunity for her assault. She may have feltshe had no choice but to keep her mouth shut in order to save herselfand her job, at great personal sacrifice, potentially with consequencesaffecting the rest of her life. Or maybe she was taken by surprise. 

It’sdifficult to keep your guard up all the time, and something innocuous,like a drink with a trusted colleague, may be or become dangerous inan entirely unanticipated way. 

For an actor, the stakes in Hollywoodare high. If you refuse advances or complain about improper behavior,you risk being blackballed for the rest of your career. Many felt it was expected and part of the process of interviewingfor an opportunity.

Maybe you’re wondering why this woman didn’t just leave andfind another job. But consider this: Why should the victim be requiredto find another place to work? What if she likes her job and would liketo stay? What if her particular job is scarce? What if changing jobswould cause a loss of income or a cut in pay? Obviously, leaving wouldnot be fair. It’s wholly inappropriate to protect the perpetrator overthe victim. 

In reality, many women do end up leaving their workplacebecause of fears about their future at the company or because they arebeing made uncomfortable, but the solution to the problem is not todisplace and replace the victim.

#changetheculture #MeToo #TimesUP #harveyweinstein #respectwomenatwork #womeninbusiness #justiceforwomen