Suggested Response: 

In our book, Play Nice, we call this type of harasser a “predatory harasser”. 

The predatory harasser is a boss or superior who holds the key to your promotion or increase in salary, creating a dilemma for the victim—resist and be punished, or submit and be exploited. His motive is a sexual contest and harassment is the tool he uses to exercise dominance and power to compel an unwilling sexual partner to submit.

Step 1: Respond to the violator as promptly as you can.

Step 2: Be calm, firm, and confident in your response. 

Step 3: Ask the violator to stop the personal messages. For example, "Hey Tyrant Ivan, I have received your messages and they are making me uncomfortable.” 

Step 4: Give him a quick reason why you are objecting: “I am a subordinate colleague and asking me for my personal attention does not appear appropriate. I am sorry, but I think it is important to keep our relationship professional.” If you can, take a more light-hearted and gentle tone to avoid putting him on the defensive. You don’t want him thinking about how to get back at you. Hopefully he will appreciate your tone and courage and not take insult from your response. 

Step 5: If he persists or in any fashion appears threatening, make sure you are documenting all of his communications. Take pictures of his messages. If you are comfortable doing so, find a more senior person to help you address the situation. The senior person might be able to talk to your colleague and resolve his behavior. If that does not work, file a complaint with Human Resources. If you do not have such a department, call or go see the boss. Ask a supportive senior person or colleague to participate for support. 



Bystander Help: If you are a bystander to this type of behavior, let Jane know that you are available to assist her and be a witness if she needs support with a superior or HR for any complaint. If you feel comfortable, pull the violator aside and let him know that this type of behavior is not appropriate and could get him in to serious trouble. Encourage his apology. Men will listen to men!

Let's help #changetheculture to a more healthy and prosperous environment, free from #abuse. #TimesUp. Let’s #playnice at work and stop and #workplacesexualharassment. For more on this topic and for other exercise examples, please checkout our new book “Play Nice - Playground Rules for Respect in the Workplace,”  and join us at the www.thesandboxseries.com.