Suggested Response: 

In our book Play Nice, we call this type of harasser a territorial harasser. 

The territorial harasser is insecure and deliberately uses sexual harassment to protect his territory. For example, if a woman is perceived as a threat, he will take action to undermine her performance and eliminate her as a competitor. It is his way to fight dirty when a woman is more effective. 

Step 1:  Get the violator’s attention. Call him by name until he pauses and ask him to let you speak. Keep interrupting him until he acknowledges you.

Step 2:  Speak with a firm but calm voice. Aggressive language may put the violator on the defensive, and he will be thinking about how to respond rather than listening to you. Be calm, firm, and confident.

Step 3:  Ask the violator to stop his behavior. For example, “Insecure Trip, please stop commenting on what we might be wearing on this call.”

Step 4:  Give him a quick reason for your objection to the behavior. “Your comments are not appropriate or respectful and are making us feel uncomfortable." If you can take a more light-hearted and gentle tone, he will hopefully appreciate your tone and courage and not take insult from your response. 

Step 5:  Don’t hesitate to remind him if he continues making inappropriate remarks. If the violator refuses to stop despite your reminders, call him separately to let him know your objection. If you are not comfortable doing so, find a more senior person to talk to him about his behavior. If that does not help and you have a Human Resources Department, file a complaint. If you do not have such a department, call the boss. Have a more senior person join you for support. 

🚨Note to Bystanders:  If you are in the meeting and witness this type of behavior, get the violators attention, and say: “Insecure Trip, you are bullying her and not being respectful. Please stop.” Intervention exhibits your leadership skills and can be especially impactful coming from a male colleague. Men will listen to men. 

Let's help #changetheculture to a more healthy and prosperous environment, free from #abuse. #TimesUp. Let’s #playnice at work and stop and #workplacesexualharassment. For more on this topic and for other exercise examples, please check out our new book “Play Nice - Playground Rules for Respect in the Workplace,”  and join us at the www.thesandboxseries.com.