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Finding Love at Work - Good Idea?
Brigitte Kimichik • Feb 14, 2020
Finding Love at Work - Good Idea?
I was recently asked at a symposium whether it was OK to date a colleague. I stopped in my tracks and was surprised anyone would even ask that question.
Relationships at work are risky and can put both parties in a difficult position, especially if the male is a superior. What if the relationship began as an affair? How would that impact the career and reputation of the female? Who do you think would have to leave the job if the company had an anti-dating or anti-nepotism policy? The superior or the subordinate? Who would be more valuable to retain at the company? Whether or not there is such a policy, if you date a colleague, matters become complicated if you break up. Why put yourself through the drama of possibly being fired or, after a breakup, suffering through the painful aftermath where both of you work?
Our best recommendation is don’t do it. The risks are far too great.
Yet despite the risks, recent statistics
advise that more than half of employees have engaged in a romantic relationship with a colleague. We all know couples who met at work and have successful long-term relationships or are married. Inevitable if you are spending most of your waking hours at work with folks who have common interests.
If you believe you have found your soulmate, please keep the following tips in mind:
First, research your company’s policies on dating and reporting requirements to HR. If there are strict policies, you should follow them. Maintaining a secret relationship is difficult and might ultimately risk your careers.
Second, before you start dating, have open and candid conversations regarding your expectations and potential consequences to your career, including after a break up. Ask yourselves: Will dating this person affect your professional goals, reputation and contribution to your company? How will you be perceived? Dating a colleague might raise eyebrows with your other team members. Whose interests will you put first? The team’s or your individual interests? Your professionalism may be called into question. What if you break up? Will the other person hold a grudge and potentially ruin your career? What would it be like to work with an ex day-to-day? Will you be able to work together and remain professional and civil without bad feelings and without affecting the morale of those around you?
Third, don’t use company property, funds or technology to express your feelings—and, don’t conduct your office romance at the office (especially office parties where alcohol is flowing). Keep your relationship private and off of social media. If your relationship is all work related you may find you have nothing outside of work in common and your relationship may fizzle in short order.
Finally, avoid dating a superior or subordinate. Many companies in light of #MeToo prohibit such relationships. Your colleagues may interpret any promotions, raises, and higher profile work assignments (regardless of whether they are well deserved), as “preferential treatment” and negative—a conflict of interest in violation of company policy, putting not only the subordinate's job, but also the superior's job on the line. The CEO of McDonald’s recently lost his job for dating a subordinate, the company citing “It is not appropriate to show favoritism or make business decisions based on emotions or friendships rather than on the best interests of the Company.”
If the company’s leadership determines trouble is brewing and there is potential risk for a sexual harassment suit if the relationship turns sour, who do you think is likely to lose their job? "Even today a boss-subordinate relationship is viewed as strategic on the woman's part," says Rebecca Chory, Ph.D., who studies workplace interactions at Maryland's Frostburg State University. Yes, there may be exceptions (McDonald’s CEO), however, they are few and far between.
Avoid the pitfalls of a #MeToo scandal. Take the time to hit that pause button and evaluate your work culture for toxic masculinity, sexual harassment, and racism. Educating employees and company leaders regularly and effectively regarding prevention is likely to engender a more healthy workplace of dignity and respect and ultimately improve the bottom line concerning health-related costs and profitability. Try our book, "Play Nice - Playground Rules for Respect in the Workplace," which we wrote to educate both women AND men— on the importance of drawing a firm line of respect and professionalism, and speaking up as a bystander. Intervention by men is especially important. Men will listen to men.
What will you do today to tackle sexual harassment and be #beupstanding to help #changetheculture for an environment without #sexualharassment and #abuse? Join us for further discussion on how to play nice at www.thesandboxseries.com.
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